I'm Here!

Didn't want all my faithful readers to think I'd fallen off the edge of the unknown!

Here's the briefest of all updates:
I'm in Texas.
Staying busy with doctor appointments, sick family members, some volunteering (hopefully at church soon and maybe with some foster kids), some in depth studies, praying through future decisions, and staying in touch with friends and some kiddos back in Kosovo.
I will be in Texas until the end of April.
Next I will be boarding a plane back to Kosovo.
How long my stay there is still yet to be determined.
I am doing well though.
God is Good and He is Love.
What more could I need or ask for!
Thanks for praying me through this season of life.
Love y'all...

Blonde Moment

Yesterday I was returning home from Albania. For those of you that have never traveled in Europe by car, when you cross a border you must wait in a long line for a border guard to check your documents and car. I was waiting in that long line but there was a semi (lorry) in front of me and I couldn't see much. It seemed like the cars were passing through the border without checking their documents, so I assumed the border was closed and they'd check both for Albania and Kosovo at the next check point a few yards further...So, I just drove right on through!

That got all the guards up in arms (literally) and they started yelling and shouting at me. Oh man, I've never seen such angry policemen! I stopped and a border policeman approached speaking Albanian. At this point I felt really dumb, so I decided to play the stupid American and greeted him in English. He asked in Albanian if I spoke his language to which I said no (looking back that was a lie, but at the time it didn't even cross my mind to say yes). He then asked me in very broken English if I knew what this was; with a smirk on his face. He took my documents and then came back to make small talk- stupid American and South Korean girls, sounds like fun, eh? He asked where I worked, what I was doing, etc. And then I responded in Albanian...and blew my cover. If you're going to lie about something, you need to follow through!

Well, there was no lasting damage- just on my pride. But I will never, ever drive through a border again! Whew...

The Christmas Story (HD version)

...it was when I carried you!

Three years ago, as I planned to go to Albania to work with street kids, I was so young and so sure of how everything would go. I remember vividly sitting out on the deck in my backyard, planning what I would do and say, who I'd become, and where it would lead me. The following month, January 2008, was the first of many things that knocked me to my knees. During my required physical it was discovered that I had a heart condition. These past 3 years it has been up and down, mainly the doctors don't know much about my problem. But there was one night, right after it had been discovered, that I can see and feel perfectly; even now. I was 100% sure that I wouldn't make it through the night; that if I fell asleep, I wouldn't wake up. I remember setting my room up so that whoever found me would not have so much stuff to take care of. And I laid in my bed and wept for hours. I pleaded and begged God: "Please, let me live! I want so much to be with You, but at the age of 23 I haven't done anything yet..."

Well, as we all know, I lived through the night, and the next 3 years. My heart is still going strong, but nothing that I planned and pleaded with God for has come about. Oh, I went on the mission field and have had a busy last few years. But the only thing I know now is this: I feel very much aged and unsure of everything.

I could depict the past years, or even months, and the pain and sorrow that has taken place in my life. I could fill pages upon pages of difficult things, people who've betrayed me, and all the tears I've wept. And truly that is where my heart has been focused these past months. I've been really burned out and pretty depressed. The one thing I keep pleading with God for is a restoration of my joy. It hasn't happened yet.

These days I cry a lot. Part of that is good; the Lord has softened my heart so much. But mostly there is just this emptiness and overwhelming sorrow engulfing me. Where do I go? Who do I turn to? What's the next step? What am I doing? Is it worth it all??

I guess I don't have answers to any of those questions at the present. I'm just asking you to pray for me. Pray for my focus to get off myself, what has transpired, and the "woes" I spend my time meditating on. Pray for God to reveal the next step for me. Pray for me to listen to Him; to be near His side and not running away like I so often am doing. Pray for my heart to heal- there are many things I've been wounded by and in some ways am struggling with bitterness. Pray for a friend for me- I am so utterly lonely on the inside. And pray for rest and restoration to my soul.

Thanks for journeying these past 3 years with me. It has been your prayers and support that carry me onward. And I need them again, now more than ever.

Much love...

the Need

Tonight my roommate and I watched (yet again) the movie made about William Wilberforce called: Amazing Grace. Powerful film! I've read a bit on Wilberforce, not a lot, but enough to know that he was a pretty incredible man. And every time I watch that movie, I finish it wanting so desperately to be him. To give my life for something beyond me. To fight injustice that surrounds. To love the Lord, serve Him, and invest this gift that has been given me in hope of seeing the Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven. I get this same feeling when I watch movies like: Schindler's List, Hotel Rwanda, End of the Spear, etc. Or read countless other biographies of faithful men and women that loved the Lord and gave their all for Him.

However, the older I get, the more realistic I become about such things. I listen to other people. The loudness of passion has begun to fade. I am but one small, very small, person. And more than that- who am I? Pretty humble origins. Really have nothing worthy in my character or talents worth boasting about...even if I wanted. I will be the first to say that I'm a nobody in all regards.

And yet... here I sit. Tears running down my cheeks. Feeling shattered over the poverty, injustice, abuse, suffering, and despair that haunt every corner of this world. There isn't a country on this globe that isn't in need of someone sensitive to the Lord's heart for compassion and love to those in need. Slavery lives on still! Trafficking of girls and boys, young and old, is taking place in staggering quantities everywhere! People lack clean water, simple medications, a safe place to live... I could go on and on with thoughts and images that plague my heart. But I believe that you yourself know these things- maybe not on the surface, but deep inside.  And they plague you too.

The question is this: what are we going to do?

The Need surrounds

It oppresses the one who

With eyes and ears wide open

Feels and gives attention

Many a man spends

Day & night, night & day

A lifetime of moments

Patching justice

The Need is fluid

Ever-changing

Sucking dry and enveloping

The one who gave their all

Many give everything

To a cause or hope

With baited expectation

Only to be used and left empty

Martha, Martha

The need is always present

But one Thing remains

Chose Me

I wrote this poem last week, as I felt this war raging inside me. I know that I'm not a poet, but these words express my heart and the things that feel overwhelming in so many ways right now. Maybe I'm not the one to go- maybe it is you. But either way, let's pray to the One who has all things under His control. I'm sure He has a plan already formed!

"You may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know."

“If to be feelingly alive to the sufferings of my fellow-creatures is to be a fanatic, I am one of the most incurable fanatics ever permitted to be at large.”

-William Wilberforce

Bringing Hope

This was supposed to be at the end...But alas I can't figure out the new Blogger, so it remains at the beginning. But this was a little girl's reaction to the childrens' Bible we'd just given her and her friends that were eagerly waiting. Soooo precious!

This picture is just for fun. It has been rainy and cold for over 1.5 months! Not to mention the wind...

This summer my team (all but one pictured here) decided that, once a week, we would take up a post in different villages and distribute books to the children, men, and women we can find outdoors. Totally outside my comfort zone... (that is so often where the Lord wants me!)

They load up their backpacks with Bibles and other relevant books and begin the 2+ hour trek through the remote parts of the village. This week they were invited into 3 Roma homes.

And my roommate and I stand guard at the jeep, with a table set up, and patiently wait for the mob of children that always results when the nearby school lets out.

Nearly everyone on my team loves this craziness. Me, well, I just think they're crazy! But God is blessing this ministry, and I have to admit it has been exciting to partake in it.

 

My favorite picture from the village today. The devastation from the war isn't just in the landscape. It is in hearts and lives all around this nation. Please pray that the Truth in the books we pass out will take root, and that restoration, healing, and hope will find their anchor in those hearts and lives!

European Travels

 These past few months I have been traveling... A LOT!

It began with a training conference in the 

beautiful countryside of England.

(I didn't take that picture above- obviously!)

Next I got to travel to London for 1.5 days.

Big Ben

The London Eye

What my view of England is from the movies...

Next stop was Athens, Greece

Cheered my friends on while they ran the in the 

2,500 anniversary of the marathon. 

I felt a bit like a slacker when I saw all these really 

old people running the race and not even being tired!

Did the touristy thing and went to 

visit the Acropolis for a few hours.

Athens has 5 million people living inside its city limits!

My last morning in Thessaloniki; strolling down the beach.

Wishing you were with me!

The White Tower in Thess.

Used to be a prison called the Bloody Tower 

until a prisoner paid for his freedom by whitewashing the building.

And what I hope is the end of my journeys for some time:
Torino, Italy

The cathedral outside my window- beautiful.

However, it woke me up a lot because 

I've grown used to the 3 mosques near my house,

and their calls to prayer- not church bells- HA!

A really cool monument.

This house has character!

I love it!

The rain was awful, but it sure made beautiful pictures!

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' - yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'"

James 4: 13-15

PS: I hate the new Blogger- can't figure out how to caption pictures and videos...Ahhhh!

A Life Lived Well

This past week I had the privilege to attend a leadership conference in Italy. Some of those in attendance (namely men) were some of the most incredible people I've met.  Many had served the Lord in some remote place since before I was even born! But the person that stood out to me the most was a little man serving in his home country. He was in his upper 50's, and had recently been facing the choice to retire or not. He decided not to (Praise God!), so this is what he now does:

The poorest people in his home country are immigrants from Nigeria. The women aren't allowed real jobs, because they are there illegally. But it is legal for them to "work" as a prostitute. So, this man and his wife go each evening to the streets to meet with these ladies. Many come from religious backgrounds. The know the songs and the words to the stories that are shared. But their lives and hearts are so empty. As this man shared his story, his heart, and work among these women in his broken English, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Such passion he had for a seemingly hopeless cause.

God is a God of hope. He is the God of light and life. And He, and He alone, will make a way for these women to find and live in freedom. Please pray!

And may many other countless men and women that begin to focus on themselves and retiring make the same decision as this dear man did!

Unwanted Catergories

This past week I received an email from someone that bore some pretty rough news. And as I sat and thought about the situation and pretty much just life in general, I came to realize something: I was in shock and unable to process what was happening because I simply didn't have a category in my head for such a thing.

Have you ever been there? Someone you love betrays you. A sudden death occurs and leaves you reeling. Something you invested a lot of time, money, and effort into fails. A person you truly look up to and respect lies, has an affair, or does something else unthinkable. Or anything in between...

We've all been there. We can all understand. Life doesn't happen as we dictate. We can't plan the outcome of anything; really. And therefore, many things will happen that we're not prepared for.

So, I find myself possessing a new category in my mind and heart. It isn't one that I want. And it is something I hope I never have to file anything away in again. But the Lord touched my heart with these verses this morning:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God..."

II Corinthians 1:3-4

So, for His Name and His Glory I willingly embrace this new file in my mind as being a gift which I believe He will use one day to provide comfort and peace to someone else.

~Amen~

UniShow Video

Finally used my friend's internet to upload this one.
I'll try to get a few more up in the coming weeks.
They're pretty sweet!
Enjoy:

His name is Dustin Kelm and he travels the world
sharing his story through doing this.

Song lyrics:
Get Up by Superchick

I'm not afraid to fall
It means I climbed up high
To fall is not to fail
You fail when you don't try
I'm not afraid to fall
I might just learn to fly and
I will spread these wings of mine

Chorus:
If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up come on
If I get up I might fall back down again
We get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up come on
If I get up I might fall back down again
And I might fall back down again
We'll just jump and see, even if it's the 20th time
we'll just jump and see if we can fly

I'm not afraid to fall
And here I told you so
Don't want to rock the boat
But I just had to know
Just a greener side
Or can I touch the sky
But either way I will have tried

-Chorus-

I'm not afraid to fall
I've fallen many times
They laughed when I fell down
But I have dared to climb
I'm not afraid to fall
I know I'll fall again
But I will win this in the end

-Chorus-

Rubbery Legs!

I've been praying for some time (off and on since March) that God would bridge the gap between my neighbors and myself. The off and on part is because sometimes I'm pretty selfish and just want to walk up to my house (on the 5th floor) and not see anyone I know on the way up or be invited for a visit. But alas, I know in my heart of hearts, I didn't move to Kosova to not know people- haha! He's provided a few friends during the past months. But I continue to pray for openings and ways to reach out to them...and God answers!

Tonight I was so blessed by the Lord to arrive home from our village outreach to see my neighbors, from right below me, outside the building stacking wood. I debated whether or not it was a blessing for a few minutes in the car. I spent some time calculating what all this would involve. You see, I've lived here 2+ years and I know exactly what wood means, and this family lived on the 4th floor of my building. But I also had learned earlier today that this family doesn't have a dad (just found out that he divorced the mom- probably to have a younger, more fun model). So, after calling my roommate and asking how to correctly say a few phrases I was going to be needing, I stepped out of the car and into their lives.

I'm not going to lie, many times as I went up and down the stairs I was blaming God for getting me in this situation. All the other neighbors were content to watch us labor up and down the stairs. And yes, my legs feel like rubber now. But my heart is full. They were so grateful, and I was able to open a door into their lives...simply by using one of my languages of love: service. And how wonderful that God blessed me with this ability to help them! Had it been translating or spending oodles of time talking in Albanian, I wouldn't have walked over and introduced myself. But our amazing God knows!

And I truly think He gives each one of us these opportunities each day. Since my chosen job requires me to be honest (hehe), I will say that I pass most of them up. I am "too busy" reaching out to "such and such" a people in my own way that I don't have time to stop and help the elderly lady who is struggling with her bags home. Or I am so focused on my meetings that I don't care to do whatever it is that He places right in front of me. Or maybe I should be really honest: I am too busy saving money for myself, counting down the hours till I can rest, or some other idea or plan with me at the center. But every week God brings me to my knees, and I cry out to Him to give me another chance. To help me have His eyes to see deep into people's hearts. And what an incredible Lord- He always does.

I just want to encourage you all. I know that these things are hard, that often we feel guilty or overwhelmed. But let me tell you, as I sit here with wobbly legs and a hurting back- I'm glad that I followed my heart! And I will be glad again when I attend the birthday party for the oldest daughter that I just got invited to.
God is good!
Amen

Life in a Dumpster

It was late last night as I was getting ready for bed. Part of my nightly routine is to snuggle with this guy: Torie before I shut him out in the hall (he turns vicious at night!). While I was holding him I heard a strange noise coming from down below. It turned out to be a litter of kittens that had recently been born...in the dumpsters next to my apartment. We peered out my window for a few minutes as my heart slowly began to break. It was raining, cold, and they were hungry. Torie was apathetic to their pitiful meows coming from 5 stories below. And as I studied him I began to realize something. He should be down there too! He was a street cat that someone picked up when he was a baby, dying cuz his mother abandoned him. He's been given a new life; a wonderful life full of good food, toys, warm beds, and loads of love. But because he was removed from his old life he's forgotten it all- it is almost as if he doesn't even speak those kitten's language. He's just apathetic, and truly he's pretty ungrateful for the life I've given him...if we were honest.

And as I crawled into my warm bed, surrounded by my things, I realized that I am often exactly the same as my terrible kitty. And I come from a country that is full of apathetic, ungrateful people as well.

There is a scene that stands out in my mind from the movie: Hotel Rwanda. It is as the American videographer is soon to the leave the country, and the main character has a glimmer of hope that his people will receive help when the footage he's shot is seen on the news. Here's what is said:

"I'm glad that you've shot this footage and that the world will see it. It is the only way we have chance that people may intervene." "Yeah, and if no one intervenes? Is it still a good thing to show?" "How can they not intervene, when they witness such atrocities?" "I think if people see this footage they will say: 'Oh my god, that's horrible.' And they will go on eating their dinners..."

A few years ago I had the chance to attend Urbana (HUGE missions conference- pretty amazing) with the youth group from the church I grew up in. I loved my time there and took every opportunity I could to douse myself in the world. What I mean by that is that I wanted to feel the hurt across the nations. To bear witness to their lives. To glimpse the suffering that the majority of people live within. So, I went to seminars on AIDS, on street kids, on poverty, on orphans, etc. It was difficult and it was a very "raw" time for me. One evening we were sharing as a group what we'd done that day. I shared and one of the leaders of the group responded: "Wow! I couldn't go to those sorts of meetings. My heart can't handle knowing those things..." I was a bit in shock, because as followers of God we should walk as His Son did. He went into those sorts of places and was encountered with every kind of suffering and pain this world knows. How can we close our hearts and eyes to such things? And truly it is only the people in the West who even have the chance or the possibility to do such a thing. Every other place in the world is rampant with disease, poverty, and suffering like you and I've never known or witnessed. It is simply a part of life.

And so, like my cat, we found a way to remove that from our lives and make ourselves comfortable. We insulate our life with every convenience there is, and wrap ourselves up in it (I speak just as much to myself here). And we lose it all. How can we proclaim God's love if we're not living it? How can we manifest Him to the nations if we aren't willing to get our feet dirty? How can we testify to His salvation if we don't even know what the world is in need of being saved from? How...?

Maybe yes, you are removed from poverty, disease, and other atrocities, but look around you! There is despair, hopelessness, lostness, darkness in need of everything you have inside your heart! Don't wander so far away from this world that you forget to speak their language. Don't insulate yourselves to the point that you grown apathetic. And please, please don't forget where every good thing that is in your life came from- live with a grateful heart, full of praise!

I challenge myself here. And I challenge you.
Live unto the Lord; your God and Creator.
Be His hands. His feet. His voice. His heart.
Just be...HIS!

Ultimate Authority and the Suicide of Rebellion

"One of the fundamental areas where you can really see the Enlightenment rob the church of its power, worship, and enjoyment is this: [The Bible] has ceased over the years to be a book about God and has become more and more a book about us...'It's about me; about me as an individual...How can I become happy? How do I get rid of this or that?' We use it as a Spiritual Medical Encyclopedia. The problem with that is that that is not what this is! Now are there Truths inside that can help with these things? Yes, but only after the Gospel has taken root. Once you get the Story. Without the Story you have nothing...The Bible is ferociously about God. If there are lessons to learn in the Bible, they come by who we are in light of who He is..."
-Matt Chandler

And Now They're Gone

So, before I begin, I want to give a few websites in case anyone reading my blog is interested in doing things like this. There is a need around the world to use your gifts and talents- whatever they may be- for the glory of our Father! Here's the websites, and following are a few of my new friends that are using their lives to point to God, the Greatest Artist!

You can check out here for more info and here for updates on Dustin "Unicycle" Kelm.

The whole gang of fire twirlers, dancers, and the unicyclist.
(And their translator)
They made up quite an impressive show!

Dustin Kelm is pretty amazing-
check out the videos below!

Reassuring the kid that he wasn't going to die :-)

I count five.
How many do you count?

The Circus is Coming!

So, this afternoon I spent the day doing something I never imagined I would do: plastering my city with posters. It was hilarious and fun at the same time! I know that my organization isn't bringing the circus, but it feels like it. And everyone here is so excited and talking about it like it is the circus. There's a guy that is pretty stinkin' amazing on the unicycle, some fire jugglers, and a professional dancer. Pretty much is the circus for this "lack of anything exciting" city where I live. People get dressed up and walk up and down the main street 5-10 times each night for something to do. The guy in the governmental office where we got the permission asked if we could do this every month. And the diverse group we had putting up the posters added to us feeling like a circus in this country where foreigners are rare. We had Colombia, Albania, Holland, the US, and South Korea represented. Oh what a day!

But my heart in posting this is to not only make you chuckle but also pray for this event. Reality is that it has high potential to receive opposition as the unicyclist shares his testimony at the end and we hand out some questionnaires. Please pray for us! Here's our schedule for the next few days:
-Village school
-Village town center
-My city's center
-The local high school
Please also pray for no rain as most of these events are taking place outdoors.

The circus is coming to town...everyone get ready!
(I'll try and post a video in the coming days)
FALEMINDERIT SHUME (thank you a lot)!!!