I love to stare out the window- I'm stuck inside on a 5th floor apartment... what else is there to do??
I suck my tail to go to sleep. Babies suck their thumbs, why is it weird that I do the same thing??
I love playing futbol! My ball is a bit old and worn. Could you tell my owner that I need a new one?
Speaking of my owner- here she is. This is back when I was just a wee baby!
I had fun one night when my roommates were sleeping. It was actually quite fun- I can recommend it!
I'm quite fascinated with water. Love to take showers with my owner. Who says that cats can't like water?
If there is something to get under or turn over- I'm so there! Making messes the entire way...
Mmmm...my favorite thing is... EATING!
I've recently discovered my climbing skills! No good trees around here...gotta make do!
I don't know why I'm being yelled at here. Crazy owner!
I discovered the jungle today. Was great fun- played in it for hours!
So, there's Torie, my Kosovar baby. He's been living with us for a few months now. He's gotten into everything! But he's a bundle of energy, biting, and sometimes fun. Definitely added something to our day to day life!
Joy is found in life not through achieving things, gaining possessions, or being great. Rather, I would say joy comes when your perspective lifts from yourself to God and to others. So, the following photos are from Albania-each is just a point of view- altered or completely natural...that's for you to decide!
Where's your perspective today?
Is it on the trash that's in your life?
How about on the journey you've been walking- mistakes or grand achievements from the past?
On those in need around you?
On your future- where you're going to go and how you're going to get there?
The long, dirty road you're on and the hardships that it contains?
Or is it on the everlasting splendor of our great God and King? LOOK UP AND BEHOLD!
These past months I’ve thought quite a bit about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Perhaps this may seem a bit strange to be dwelling upon, or perhaps you don’t have a clue what that is. Let me explain a bit. Being a Psych major, I studied a lot of theories and formulas that humans have created to understand our time on this planet and people in general. Most of it seems a bit strange or weird, but taken with a bit of wisdom, it can be beneficial. I am finding this in regards to our friend, Maslow.
The pyramid that this man created basically states that on the ground level humans are all the same: we eat, sleep, drink, and take care of our basic needs. Once these are met, we can move on to the next level, that of security. Following are love, achievements, confidence, creativity, etc. The goal of the human race is to reach the top of the pyramid, what he calls “self-actualization.” This top rung is only reached when the bottoms ones are achieved. So, what in the world does this have to do with anything?
Having moved to Kosova 2 years ago, I found myself on the nearly the bottom level. “Don’t drink the water here.” “This is how you use this toilet…(not a demo).” “You have to buy your bread here, your meat here, your veggies here, and you can’t cook with the electricity, and most likely the power will go off so learn to cook with candle light”…and millions of other things. I found myself barely functioning. You feel so much like a helpless baby who can’t even do the simplest things for themselves- like communicate, for instance.
The longer I’ve been in Kosova, the more progress I’ve made in climbing levels on the pyramid. But every few weeks I feel I’ve regressed down to the bottom again. I meet someone in the store who speaks another dialect of the words I’ve already learned 2 different ways, and I leave feeling helpless. Someone I’ve gotten close to leaves (this happens every 6 months here). So much of what you’ve been investing your time into flops or is scratched cuz it wasn’t successful. And you find yourself paralyzed. You wonder if it’s worth it. Always in the back of your mind is this thought: if I left here and went back to The States I could take care of my health and body a lot better, I could spend more time studying the Word and growing, I would be able to have friends- real ones that don’t leave after 6 months, and the list goes on. This desire to be creative, to take care of yourself, to be all that you can become…to self actualize is strong. And it’s frustrating to know you’re creative, to know you are capable of taking care of your health, to know who you once were and now aren’t and can’t be any longer.
In some ways I don’t miss who I once was. I realize that who I am now and what I’ve gained is worth far more than what I could have become had I stayed in America. But some days it feels overwhelming; like something died and I should be mourning. And truly it is that! Jesus said, “Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” And again, “Take up your cross daily and follow Me.” It is a death and should be treated as such. But it is a good sort of death. Sort of like when we attend a funeral for a believer- we mourn the loss, but also rejoice in the greater blessing.
So, that’s where I find myself today- dead and trying to rejoice in that. I can’t lie it is harder than I can bear each day. Praise the One who supplies all grace and strength needed to hold up and walk onward!
I've lived in Kosova for nearly 2 years now (wow, can you even believe that?!?). During that duration, I've had a chance to visit some of the local doctors. I've heard horror stories, so I am always pretty skeptical when I go- let's see if you are the same after you read my compilation of stories from the doctors around Kosova...
December 2008: Severe chest pains. Went to the local ER in my city. Had the name of the on-call heart specialist- that equaled a free ticket to by-pass all the lines. No wait... Had an EKG, which required me to strip from the waist up. I was in a public room with probably 5 other beds, a doctor's desk, and no divisions for privacy. I remember feeling like it was an "out of body" experience cuz I couldn't handle the thought of what was going on right then. Then I went for a chest x-ray. They couldn't find the tech...come to find out he was either sleeping or drunk- it was a dimly lit room, and I couldn't tell which it was when he staggered out of the door. The whole thing ended up costing: $7 for the x-ray, $5 for the EKG, and $20 to meet with the heart doc. That visit in the States would have been over $1,000!
July 2009: Could hardly move due to back pain. Went out to a village where there was a man that "worked" on backs. Walked up to his gate, entered into his courtyard, and then walked under the stairs on the exterior of his house to a tiny room that equated his office. He smelled of Raki- the strong, local alcoholic drink... First order of business was to "reset" my nerves. This is done by taking the nerve bundle from behind the knee, pulling it as far away from the knee as can be (most split-second pain I've ever been in!), and moving it around. This resulted in one of the largest bruises I've had in my lifetime, and severe pain that inhibited me from walking too well for about a week. Next order of business was to tie my hair up in a severely used scarf. My roommate said I looked like I fit into the religious system here quite well. The scarf was to keep my hair from getting caught in the pulley he was about to string me up on. He next took two used, yellowish-looking pillow and placed them under each of my arms. This was added before the rope was wrapped under them. He then had me stand on a stool so I could be pulled up to the ceiling. The stool was next dropped out from under me...He quickly pulled me out of the rope, pulled up my shirt, and showed my roommate the small mark across my back where he claimed my nerve had moved back into place. This visit was free cuz I was an American and had saved his life during the war- Yep, that was me on the plane that bombed with NATO...how'd he know?!?
July 2010: Back pain again. Visited a more sophisticated chiropractor. Actually within the city limits! I was the 3rd from my group that went back. By that time the doctor was pretty sweaty, and the room smelled strongly of sweat. First order of business was to check how my back felt, since we weren't doing an x-ray. Well, we all know the bones to the back begin pretty far down...so, that resulted in some uncomfortable moments that followed. Thankfully his wife walked in a few minutes later- whew! Part of his procedure was to wrap his arms around me and yank up as hard as he could while I was sitting down- he did this about 8 times. Next I laid down on the table, face up, and he began to "reset" my nerves...his style this time. (Praise God he didn't touch my knees- I was ready to kick him in the face if he even came close to them!) His style involved pinching each of my toes for a minute or more. This would have been fine, had one of my baby toes not been broken. I told him it was after about 30 seconds of pain, but he didn't seem to care. I am not sure which "reset" I preferred...I think they should bypass this step all together if you want to know my personal opinion! He then lathered my body from the top of my neck down my back to my buttocks with a Kosova version of Icy Hot (this too was awkward). He was a really nice guy and wasn't meaning to make me feel at all uncomfortable...but nearly the entire time I was back there, I felt like I was part of a dirty scene in a sketchy movie. And for what? He couldn't even get my back to pop even once- the muscles were so tight. I was told to come back in a week...Not sure it's going to be worth it, but I'm desperate so I will give it another try. This time it cost $20- he wasn't so keen on which nationality I was...
So, there you have it; all my doctor experiences! I am curious as to if any of you are jealous? I would be more than happy to arrange for you to pay some of them a visit! But until then, be thankful for your health care- even if you hate it. It could always be worse...this I know!!!
The summer is drawing near an end, at least in terms of summer programs with my team here. It has been an intense time of ministry, giving of myself, being exhausted, so much planning, and saying goodbye to so many close friends! Now that it is coming to a close, I am left feeling depleted and completely empty- beyond what words can portray. We all have times like this in life- where we've invested everything. It's part of living...but where do we go when we reach the bottom?
The hardest part of it all is that normally in the busyness of schedules and plans, prayer and listening to His Word gets put lower down on your priorities...Or maybe that's just cuz I'm not so holy yet. ;-) But it is really hard to regain your heart for prayer, your passion to delve into the depths of the Word, the quietness of heart to listen to His still voice, and the joy of journeying deeper into His heart. So, with the tiredness and emptiness come a feeling of aloneness. You wandered from Him, and the devil tries to convince you that He left you cuz you were too busy for Him or weren't faithful- WHAT LIES!
He's the Answer to all! He's the Rest for my weariness. He's the Companion in my aloneness. He's the Hope to my future. He's Fullness to my emptiness...
Now if only I could get my heart to listen to the Truth and rest in my All In All- the Great I AM who is eagerly awaiting my heart and attention this very minute!
On June 29th a group from the youth group I grew up in came to visit my team for 10 days. Here's the amazing couple that led them- first met them 10 years ago when we traveled to Mexico together... What a journey that first trip sparked for me with them and in missions!
The group headed straight up to camp to do a few projects to get the camp ready for the summer camps that began the following week.
In the process my little toe got broken :-( But praise God that that was the only injury!
The last day at camp the group trekked up the mountain for a few hours. Such a beautiful view!!
With the finished product of their work- just needs a roof now!
A few of my friends that helped put on a missions panel for the youth to ask any questions. They also shared their lives and stories with the kids. It was fun!
A kids club at the Vision Center where my team works.
Crafts and making books together.
Headed out to the village next. One of the local believers translated for us and he got to share his heart and his story with these really "thirsty", seeking, older boys.
Pretty much a miracle any time you can get these kids to sit down, listen, or be unified in doing something. God was present with us on this day...as you can see!
The following day we headed out to a run down, old building to love on some really poor families. This man is bed-bound due to being crippled after the war. He's been reading his Bible that has been given him, but he's pretty confused on the meaning of the majority of it. Keep praying for God to continue to open his heart to Him!
God continually is putting the girl in the middle with the pink shirt on on my heart. She's mute and everyone calls her dumb and she's not allowed to attend school. But oh how God loves her and has a plan for her life. Keep praying for transformation from the inside out!
Doing the drama at the Konvikt, the rundown building in my city.
Another kids group in a village my team works in. Teaching them baseball...haha!
What a blessing you all were to me, my team, and the kiddos here! I love you guys so much. Thanks for coming to see us!!
Don't have time to write the millions of things that I wish I could be blogging about (it has been like drinking from the Firehose of God lately). But I found this on my pastor's blog and wanted to pass it on to you guys:
“People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, and obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated.” Quoted from D A Carson's: For the Love of God.
Here's Matt's blog if you want to read his thoughts on it as well.
These last 2 years I have been battling a lot of internal junk- things I was raised with, things that are part of my culture, things that are just simply accepted and not thought about, religious things, and a whole slew of stuff! It has been rough, but something I wouldn’t trade anything in this world for… So here’s a glimpse into one of the many struggles- feel free to send me an email or Skype with me about it. I know I am blunt and judgmental so often.
Before I begin, I want to quote John Piper from his book: The Roots of Endurance (about John Newton, Charles Simeon, and William Wilberforce). “There is a mind-set in the prosperous West that we deserve pain-free, trouble-free existence. When life deals us the opposite, we have a right not only to blame somebody or some system and to feel sorry for ourselves, but also to devote most of our time to coping, so that we have no time or energy left over for serving others.
This mind-set gives a trajectory to life that is almost universal—namely, away from stress and toward comfort and safety and relief. Then within that very natural trajectory some people begin to think of ministry and find ways of serving God inside the boundaries set by the aims of self-protection. Then churches grow up in this mind-set, and it never occurs to anyone in such a community of believers that choosing discomfort, stress, and danger might be the right thing—even the normal, biblical thing—to do.”
If I would have read this quote a few years back, I would have freaked out. Suffering? Me? Yikes! And yet, here I am, living and working in Kosova for nearly 2 years, and I would say now: “Sign me up!” Not cuz I am a sick, twisted human being who likes suffering and pain, but rather I embrace it and to some extent long for it, because I know where it takes me: nearer to my precious Saviour! And so the thought that continually floats back into my mind is this: if we truly believed, truly believed the Word of God, how vastly different our lives would look!
Why am I seen as weird or abnormal, leaving my family and home country, in the church? Why am I the person who stands out as slightly odd and different from others? Why is it that one of the most common questions that I receive in emails is this: ‘When are you coming home?’ Read through the Word- I am not odd. I am not so different. Most of the stories in the Bible have people who leave their home countries, who aren’t near their families, who invest their life and all into a cause that God placed on their heart.
Now, before I proceed, hear this: I am not saying I am holy or amazing or even more special. What I am saying is that I am struggling with these issues. I am just a broken seeker, trying to follow God’s path for my life. Right now it is in Kosova; maybe next year I will be back in America- who knows!
But my issue is this: why, if we say we believe in the entire Word of God, don’t we live it out? Why don’t I give everything to know Him? To be known by Him? To use my life as a tool for others to know Him? Why don’t I wake up each morning, thinking not about me, but in prayer? How in the world did an entire nation of people come to a place where they think they are loving and following God, and yet they live each moment and second of their lives for their own gain, their own worth, and their own agendas?
I have reached a point in my life where you could offer me a mansion, the nicest of all cars, a stable job, or anything that the flesh could long for and I would honestly want to turn it down. Why? Not because I have walked those roads already, but merely because I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that none of those things bring the richness I’ve found in life here. I am not saying I live in squalor- my house is pretty nice. I have amazing food. Good friends. And most days I am utterly happy. But compared to my life in the US, in regards to comforts, life here lacks severely! So, why stay? Because I know and I am convinced that life is about 3 things I mentioned earlier: knowing Him, being known by Him, and leading others to know Him. Right now, Kosova is where I have found myself driven to knowing Him in the most intimate of ways. Right now, I am finding it is the most beautiful thing to sit before Him and allow Him to search the depths of my heart. And right now, I am surrounded by thousands of people who don’t even have a clue who He is or that He loves them.
I am not saying you should pick up your feet and get on a plane and join me here (unless God has told you that). But what I am saying is this: are you seeking out suffering? Have you insulated your life with comforts and ease? Do you seek to know Him daily, be known by Him, and make Him known in your sphere of life? What fills your thoughts and heart?
God is waking up this world to His name and His renown; of this I am sure. Are you ready to be His witness? If you hesitate in answering that question, it may be time to do a bit of heart (and possession) surgery! I pray for you all, and I know each of you in the US has a journey in front of them that is more difficult to walk and live than mine. To follow Him wholeheartedly in a posh, prosperous place…now that is just about like a camel going through the eye of a needle! ;-)
Well, I am still here in Kosova, doing ministries and loving on kiddos and youth...though my blog hasn't really reflected that as of late (sorry!).
On June 1st, our first of 3 short term teams for this summer arrived. Our lives have been full of programs, wild children, stories, lives shared, and just some really great times together. It has been great to have them here!
Here we are in the center my team rents out in village about 20 minutes away from my house. This ministry is pretty new still, but God has really blessed us with some good kids that attend our meetings.
We also had the chance to work alongside a couple that ministers out in a Roma/gypsy village a ways away from my home city. LOVE these kids!
Yep, this is me with my heart getting stolen...once again!
In this picture we have represented: Australia, Japan, Switzerland, Albania, Romania, England, and South Korea!
"Let the little children come unto Me, for such is the kingdom of heaven..."
In January one of the ladies that was working in my city went on furlough. She had a preschool that needed someone to run it while she was away for a few months. So, in February one of the girls on my team and I took over this program. Before this lady left, we went to visit all the families to begin contact with them. The families were poor, and many had serious economic or social difficulties, ie: father in prison, unemployment, abusive dad, etc. It broke my heart! But one of the girls has quite the interesting set up at home. The mother lives here in this city with her two girls. Her husband lives in a western European country and is married to another woman; trying desperately to get a passport so he can take his family out of Kosova (normal idea here, but interesting way to go about doing it). When we went for a visit the mother was dressed in frumpy clothes, the house was a mess, smoke filled the room, and there was evidence of many cigarettes on the coffee table. One girl was at school, and the other was riding her bike, yes, her bicycle, around the living room- over our feet even! So, this is how our relationship began...
During the last months, it has been pretty interesting with all the families, not just this one. But most interesting of all is this little girl and her family. Her mom is pretty depressed and really searching for fulfillment in external, worldly things. The girl is a spoiled brat that throws temper tantrums all the time. It's a pretty dysfunctional family!
So, enter today; our last day of preschool. The last house we came to drop the children off at was this one. As we drove up, a strange man started to slowly walk out of the house (there are often strange men around...). The little girl's face froze, and she stopped throwing the temper tantrum she was having in the back seat. One of the ladies from the church got out and tried to figure out who the man was while the little girl cowered in the back seat. The man claimed he was her uncle and her mom was out visiting someone who was in the hospital. We had no choice but to leave the little girl with the man. I got chills up my back as I watched him grab her hand and slowly lead her back inside the house. As we were driving back to the preschool, we met the mom a little ways off and she said that the man was her friend and it was alright. I guess it is the simple fact that the stories don't match up, but I feel so unsettled about what took place.
The little girl is four old, and yet she's been exposed to more of this world than I have, in some ways. I can't even imagine what sort of life stands before her if nothing changes. May the God who came to seek and save that which is lost step into this little girl's heart and mind. May He restore and redeem her and her family to Himself. Please, please, please join me in praying for this baby and the other ones that face similar circumstances each day!
I love to stare out the window-
I suck my tail to go to sleep.
I love playing futbol!
Speaking of my owner- here she is.
I had fun one night when my roommates were sleeping.
I'm quite fascinated with water.
If there is something to get under or turn over-
Mmmm...my favorite thing is...
I've recently discovered my climbing skills!
I don't know why I'm being yelled at here.
I discovered the jungle today.
