Doctors, etc...

I've lived in Kosova for nearly 2 years now (wow, can you even believe that?!?). During that duration, I've had a chance to visit some of the local doctors. I've heard horror stories, so I am always pretty skeptical when I go- let's see if you are the same after you read my compilation of stories from the doctors around Kosova...

December 2008: Severe chest pains. Went to the local ER in my city. Had the name of the on-call heart specialist- that equaled a free ticket to by-pass all the lines. No wait... Had an EKG, which required me to strip from the waist up. I was in a public room with probably 5 other beds, a doctor's desk, and no divisions for privacy. I remember feeling like it was an "out of body" experience cuz I couldn't handle the thought of what was going on right then. Then I went for a chest x-ray. They couldn't find the tech...come to find out he was either sleeping or drunk- it was a dimly lit room, and I couldn't tell which it was when he staggered out of the door. The whole thing ended up costing: $7 for the x-ray, $5 for the EKG, and $20 to meet with the heart doc. That visit in the States would have been over $1,000!

July 2009: Could hardly move due to back pain. Went out to a village where there was a man that "worked" on backs. Walked up to his gate, entered into his courtyard, and then walked under the stairs on the exterior of his house to a tiny room that equated his office. He smelled of Raki- the strong, local alcoholic drink... First order of business was to "reset" my nerves. This is done by taking the nerve bundle from behind the knee, pulling it as far away from the knee as can be (most split-second pain I've ever been in!), and moving it around. This resulted in one of the largest bruises I've had in my lifetime, and severe pain that inhibited me from walking too well for about a week. Next order of business was to tie my hair up in a severely used scarf. My roommate said I looked like I fit into the religious system here quite well. The scarf was to keep my hair from getting caught in the pulley he was about to string me up on. He next took two used, yellowish-looking pillow and placed them under each of my arms. This was added before the rope was wrapped under them. He then had me stand on a stool so I could be pulled up to the ceiling. The stool was next dropped out from under me...He quickly pulled me out of the rope, pulled up my shirt, and showed my roommate the small mark across my back where he claimed my nerve had moved back into place. This visit was free cuz I was an American and had saved his life during the war- Yep, that was me on the plane that bombed with NATO...how'd he know?!?

July 2010: Back pain again. Visited a more sophisticated chiropractor. Actually within the city limits! I was the 3rd from my group that went back. By that time the doctor was pretty sweaty, and the room smelled strongly of sweat. First order of business was to check how my back felt, since we weren't doing an x-ray. Well, we all know the bones to the back begin pretty far down...so, that resulted in some uncomfortable moments that followed. Thankfully his wife walked in a few minutes later- whew! Part of his procedure was to wrap his arms around me and yank up as hard as he could while I was sitting down- he did this about 8 times. Next I laid down on the table, face up, and he began to "reset" my nerves...his style this time. (Praise God he didn't touch my knees- I was ready to kick him in the face if he even came close to them!) His style involved pinching each of my toes for a minute or more. This would have been fine, had one of my baby toes not been broken. I told him it was after about 30 seconds of pain, but he didn't seem to care. I am not sure which "reset" I preferred...I think they should bypass this step all together if you want to know my personal opinion! He then lathered my body from the top of my neck down my back to my buttocks with a Kosova version of Icy Hot (this too was awkward). He was a really nice guy and wasn't meaning to make me feel at all uncomfortable...but nearly the entire time I was back there, I felt like I was part of a dirty scene in a sketchy movie. And for what? He couldn't even get my back to pop even once- the muscles were so tight. I was told to come back in a week...Not sure it's going to be worth it, but I'm desperate so I will give it another try. This time it cost $20- he wasn't so keen on which nationality I was...

So, there you have it; all my doctor experiences! I am curious as to if any of you are jealous? I would be more than happy to arrange for you to pay some of them a visit! But until then, be thankful for your health care- even if you hate it. It could always be worse...this I know!!!