Only Let Us...

"Only let us live up to what we've already attained."
-Philippians 3:16

Such a powerful verse. What a daunting thought. Seems a bit ambiguous at times. I've attained a lot of information in my lifetime, witnessed a great many things, been a part of a lot of amazing stuff, and sat under some of the most incredible people this time period has to offer. How can one possibly live up to such things?

However, the more I ponder this thought, the more I realize the proper question: how can I not? How can I close my heart to what the Lord has put before me? How can I turn aside from Truth, Reality, and Life? How can I chose the temporary over the eternal? How can I take what has been given me and place it on a shelf for later? How can I not put these things into practice?

And yet the sad story remains that I have, I do, and I will...

But why? Why am I not more eager to live like the examples in the Word of God who sacrificed and gave all for Him? Why am I not following in the steps of the renowned men of old: Charles Spurgeon, Jonathan Edwards, George Mueller, AW Tozer, CS Lewis...? And what of these women: Susanna Wesley, Gladys Aylward, Elisabeth Elliot, Ann Judson, Amy Carmichal...? What stops me from living as they did (total abandon unto their Lord)?

As I think about these men and women, I admire their devotion. Many got up hours earlier than they had to pray (5-6 hours for some). Many spent days, months, and years pouring over passages of Scripture before they ever thought to open their mouth on the subject. Many devoted their entire life for the furtherance of His Kingdom. Many counted the cost and paid it; daily.

What of me? Why don't I? Who's stopping me? How can break out of the comfy life I've built around myself and live boldly with purpose?

And while I know it is my own wicked heart that is the root, I often feel gypped living in this day and age. I love that everything is at my fingertips through the internet and speed of travel and convenience all around. And yet I don't...

I'm so distracted from the Lord. Every morning I wake up and look at my computer and begin to think about who emailed me, what the day will hold, what is happening back home, who I can chat with on Skype... And my feet haven't even hit the floor and my heart is already far from my Creator. And this deep sorrow comes over me. I know He's wooing me, romancing me, and yet so often it feels like He doesn't win. He doesn't compete; He won't compete. And truthfully He doesn't need to- the Almighty, Glorious, Victorious, Majestic, Beautiful, Awe-filled Creator, God, King, Lord, and Provider of All. Who or what can hold a candle to that? And yet I chose my computer, food, a friend, movies, and other things that often prove to leave me empty.

Has Satan won? The answer is for all eternity a big resounding NO. And yet he does win battles in my heart and life each day...

Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend

You are my desire
No one else will do
'Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near

-Kelly Carpenter