Today's Lesson

Well, I could title the lesson many things: self-sacrifice, selflessness, considering others better than yourself... However, what it really boils down to is: love. I am lacking in love most of the time that I am awake (okay, probably as I sleep too!). Today has been really "in my face" how much I am bad at loving other people. Don't get me wrong, I am good at loving and giving and serving when it is convienent for me! I can be so sweet to the children and love on them all day. But get me home to my house after a long day where my body, heart, and brain are all tired...I am not so loving. I want to make my own dinner. Check my own email. Take my own shower. Wash my own clothes how I want to do it. And oh how the list could go on. But living and working with a team doesn't function at this level, especially when three cultures are involved. Someone always needs something or wants to learn another English word or they want to watch how you brush your teeth, how you cook your food and eat it, what you're doing on the computer, etc. It has been really hard for me, who needs alone time to reboot my system, to love and give continuously. I have failed time after time; mostly on the inside where only Jesus sees and knows...where it really counts! Over and over I come back to the fact that I am wicked and depraved in need of help. Praise be to Him who has come to help and save me from myself! Without Him my current situation and state of being would be an utter mess. But because He loves me and showers me with grace: today I took a small step towards being more loving and giving. Maybe tomorrow I can relearn today's step and maybe even another one!