A Christmas Story

This past Saturday my family was celebrating Christmas all together. I had just bought a webcam, so I was excited about being able to be seen my family. My brother's fiancée, Karla, had also downloaded Skype (the greatest invention ever made!) and borrowed someone's webcam- I was going to be able to "be there" as they celebrated!!! One problem...my electricity! It doesn't like to be on very much, and there is pretty much no way to predict when it will be off and when it will come on.

As I previously told you, I am currently reading in Exodus. Well, that morning I was reading about God's provision: manna, quail, etc. He gave them just what they needed- no more and no less. Just enough. My heart began to turn to my own situation- oftentimes, my lack of trust in Him. I like to insulate myself with money, people, and many other things so I don't ever have to fall flat on my face. I love to pray, but most of the time I don't pray big prayers. What I mean by that is: miracle, God gets all the glory prayers! Those are hard, because it takes child-like trust and makes you so vulnerable. But how God longs for us to pray those prayers! To show Him big, majestic, and so beautiful to this world that needs Him! He longs to provide us just what we need, when we need it, no more, and no less. Dependence upon Him; such a beautiful thing! Well, Saturday morning, I decided to pray one of those prayers; to go out on a limb and trust God fully and completely.

Here was my prayer: "God, you know my heart's desire. You know I desperately want to be there with my family as they celebrate Christmas. But You also know what I need. I trust in Your provisions. I know it is humanly impossible, but I am asking for the electricity to go on at 8pm when they first are getting together. I also pray for it to stay on for a few hours, so we can celebrate together. I trust You fully; if this is what my heart needs, You will indeed provide that! I surrender my desire to control the situation or to worry about it to You.”

At one minute past eight o’clock my electricity turned on! The funny thing, I wasn’t even too shocked by that. He knew what I needed, when I needed it, and He got the glory out of the situation. If my story stopped there, it would still be amazing, but God kept going that night; making Himself so visible to me, my family, my roommates, and now everyone who reads this. My electricity stayed on for a few hours while they opened gifts, chatted with me, and showed me things up close (haha- Skype is amazing, did I already say that?). Then, all the sudden, the lights began to flicker and fade on and off. First off, that never happens. When the power goes off, it just switches off suddenly, without a warning. A few minutes later, the lights just faded out all throughout the house. The only thing remaining on was my little lamp next to my computer and my computer…with my internet! That lasted for about 20 minutes, and finally I called my sister over to see what had happened. I panned the camera across the pitch black house and then back to my well-lit area. We both just had to laugh at how utterly amazing God is. It eventually shut off completely, but not before I had a chance to tell them I loved them and said goodbye once more.

It is such a crazy story, but reality is that it shouldn’t be. God longs to do things like that all the time. We don’t ask, and we don’t believe He can and will do those sorts of things. But why don’t we believe? Is it because we lose control of things? Is it because we don’t truly, in our heart of hearts, know that He desires our best at all times? He isn’t trying to ruin our day, rain on our parade, or be a party-pooper. But I think most of us think that. If I surrender everything to God, He will take away the things that I truly want, and give me something terrible. Yes, He does prune us and mold us (Oh, how I know that as of late!), but it is for our good. After every thing that God has pruned and pried from my hands during the past months, I have to say that it was for my good. And not only was it for my good, it was something I prayed about earlier. God, I want to be more humble. Father, help me to be a better communicator. My Abba, how I long to be like you- full of grace, compassion, and love. Teach me, teach me! Rip away Christina, and replace it with more of You. I prayed those things, and He is answering them. He is faithful; maybe not in ways that I understand or even like. But His is faithful!

So, I hope my story touches your heart, and gives you a better picture of who it is that we love and serve. I pray He gives you faith, just the size of a mustard see, to believe He loves you and wants your best at all times. Will you surrender to His love and His plan? I sure hope I can do that more and more each day!

May God richly bless your next year: Happy New Year 2009!!!

Winter Has Struck...

And for living in Kosova, even though it is the 21st century, that means there is little power most of the day (though it does like to be on all night). So, bear with me as I can't respond to emails very quickly, blog as much, or even look presentable in the pictures that I do post (haha). I pray for you all a lot and think of you just as much. Hope you are doing well! Much love from half way around the world...

~Immanuel~

Wanted to share my Christmas with you this way,

since I couldn't be there in person.

This is my friend's Father of Charlie Brown's

Christmas tree- best Kosova has to offer (well, that they will sell you!).

My roommates and I on Christmas.

Christmas dinner- most things were a "first" for me, but that made it special!


Still no snow that will stick in the city, just on the mountains.


Operation Christmas Child shoebox delivery with the Samaritan Purse. It was pretty hectic and chaotic, but it was a good experience.

Waiting in the rain...so cold!

The teachers and school staff- building relationships for future ministry there. :)

The shepherds we made for the nativity in Art class- he's my favorite artist!

Half the children that came for our Christmas program...and to get a present. Over 300 came- it was exciting, but super stressful.

We had a drama and sang some Christmas songs.

My team leader's face in the back mirrored

how all of us felt!

The girls from our meeting preparing for the drama they would do for the children.

After the children's meeting, we brought the girls to our house for a party. It was pretty much the biggest party flop in history! One of them stole my phone and the party turned into pretty much a police interrogation led by one of the older girls...diaster! Such a long, exhausting day.

He is the ONLY reason for celebrating-

He is all and He is in all!
Glory in the Highest: He is with us, Immanuel!

Hope you found more of Him this year

at Christmas...I sure did!

Wilderness Journeys

This morning I was reading about the calling of Moses and the liberation of the Jews from Egypt. As I was reading, I kept being struck by the same thing through different portions of the story. Moses was a rescuer by nature- the Jewish slaves from the Egyptian taskmaster, the shepherdess' at the well, probably his own sheep during the 40 years he was working with them...But he was not leader material- he simply wasn't ready. So, God took him to the wilderness to train him and to grow him. Funny that even after all the years of pruning him, Moses still argued with God whether he was ready or not. God got angry with him, but He didn't give up on him. He used him in such a mighty way!
Then I was reading about the Jews, enslaved for hundreds of years to the Egyptians. They had been given massive promises by God, yet here they were: slaves. So, when Moses came on the scene, that was their mentality: a slave. I am pretty sure they didn't really want to be that (in fact it says that God heard their cries, begging for freedom from the oppression). But when freedom came, they didn't know how to be free. Their mind hadn't pictured it to be like that. I think when someone is under oppression or enslaved to something, the mind plays out this beautiful picture of freedom and joy. Truly it is, but what that picture is often lacking is responsibility. We want to ask and ask and knock and knock on God's door for things, but we forget to be seeking. That means taking action- we play an active role in being free! So, here the Jews were, finally free; it didn't take long for the rose colored glasses to disappear. Freedom sometimes is hard. It often means that you have to take trips to the wilderness to turn your complete focus onto the Freedom Giver. I am reminded of the passage in Hosea where it talks about God taking His child to the wilderness so He will no longer be called Master, but Husband; Beloved. That is a difficult, completely vulnerable place to be. The Jews weren’t willing to go there, so they paid the price by wandering around for another 40 years; trying to learn the same lesson.
So, where does that leave me? These past months have felt a bit like a wilderness. Last year I did a lot of asking and knocking on God’s door for things. I wasn’t willing to seek with all my heart though, and the answers He often gave me didn’t suit what I thought should be His answer. So, coming here was a cold, hard blow to my system. Was I really serious about the things I was asking for? Did I truly want those things enough to be like the persistent widow; knocking and knocking? Was I willing to give my whole heart to seek after Him and pursue Him at all costs? Step by step, day by day, ever so slowly I have been able to answer a resounding yes to each one of those. I want True Freedom and Joy at all costs. I want to be known by Him, to know Him, and to make Him known. That is my earnest heart’s desire. It has taken coming to the wilderness to find that out… but hey, after you get over the fact that you have to eat bread with every meal and often there is just a pillar of light for you to see by (might be stretching it for my candle...) and you have to wear the same clothes every day and sometimes there is no clean water to drink…it is a beautiful, amazing place to be!

Peja Facts

Just wanted to give y'all a quick glance at some things that depict the normal life here, but seem different to other cultures.

* If it doesn't snow much in the winter, there will be many shut offs of water during the summer time.
* It is rude to not stand to your feet when someone older than you enters the room.
* The electricity turns off many times each day, and everyone acts like nothing has happened. Life continues on as normal until it turns back on in a few hours.

* If it rains for many days, the tap water will be dirty. The water plant's filters get flooded and can't clean it all.

* Every time you enter a house or meeting place, you must remove your shoes! They think Americans are so dirty to wear their shoes inside someone’s home.
* It is common to cook over a gas stove, like the ones that you take camping. The electricity is off most of the day, so everyone is used to that. Plus it is so strong, things cook much faster.
* It is perfectly normal to throw your trash on the ground. In fact, you are extremely weird if you don't do so. Sadly, this beautiful city has many ugly sights because of that.
* It gets dark here at 4pm during the winter. Life pretty much stops for the locals then.
* Fruits and vegetables are seasonal. There is nowhere to buy strawberries other than the market for the three weeks they are in season during summer time.
* When you greet someone, you hold hands and kiss each other's cheeks three times if you aren't good friends and four if you are.
* The children wear their pajamas under all their clothes for the entire winter- you can often see them peeking out (so cute!).

* It is very much a male dominated society, so the boys get away with pretty much anything at home. The mothers wait on them hand and foot along with doing the same for the father- sickening!
* The children only go to school for four hours each day. There is not enough classroom space or teachers to go longer.
* Women rarely leave the house, only occasionally for special reasons.
* When you greet someone, you must ask about six questions: How are you? Are you good? What are you doing? Are you tired? How is your family? Is anything new?
* The answer for the above questions is always: Good. Yes. Nothing. A little. Good. Nothing much. (I am not joking! These are always the answers)
* Shoes are probably the most important part of the outfit, so you must have them clean. However, this is almost impossible since most roads are extremely dusty or unpaved.

* There is a 70% unemployment rate here.

My Team

My team acting how they normally do:

Now they are trying to be serious:

*click on picture to make it bigger*

*S*N*O*W*

Yesterday we experienced our first snow here in Peja. By the time I was able to take pictures the snow in the city had already melted. The snow on the mountain has stuck, and it is actually gradually building. It will only be a matter of time for it to join us here...I am pretty bittersweet about that. It is beautiful, but it colder than I've ever been in my life. I will try to keep y'all up to date on the forecast here with pictures! :-)

These were taken out of my balcony window.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Hope you feel loved on your special day! I miss you and I pray for you often. May God truly bless this next year of your life as He reveals Himself to you in bigger and grander ways. May your love for Him increase as you journey onward. Wish I could give you a birthday hug, so consider this as a cyber hug.

Love you so much, cj

Week to Week

Many of you have been asking me what my week looks like, so here's my typical schedule:
Sunday- local service in Albanian in the morning and international service in English in the evening.
Monday- my day off, so it normally consists of catching up on cleaning, moving wood (yuck!), or whatever needs to be done.
Tuesday- team prayer time in the morning and then five hours running the library and backyard activities during the day.
Wednesday- language school in the morning for 3 hours and then international prayer meeting in the evening.
Thursday- art class and usually working with other international people that work here.
Friday- world prayer meeting in the morning with my team, cleaning our center, language school for 3 hours in the afternoon, teaching English class, normally shopping with my team after class, and then single's meeting with other single (or mid-twenties) workers here. (This is my crazy day!)
Saturday- children's meeting in the morning and girl's meeting in the afternoon.

The gaps in between doing things are filled with:
-Trying to teach myself the language.
-Working on building a Kosova website to bring more publicity to the work here.
-Writing stories and taking pictures for the website and newsletters (I have become the communications person for Kosova for my orginization- lots of work!).
-Preparing lessons for classes and meetings.
-Racking my brain and searching the web for creative ideas for games, teaching, and crafts.
-Trying to build relationships.
-Cooking- it takes a long time since I don't have a microwave and everything is from scratch, haha.
-Praying!

I am trying to get some pictures of the classes and meetings we have here, but it will probably be a few weeks before I can compile them to post on here.

HIS Heart

I feel an overwhelming weight on my heart each day. It is a bit difficult to depict and write about, so bear with me. I am first going to start back to my life a few months ago in order to paint the full picture of what haunts me now.

I often received emails or newsletters from other countries; from friends or organizations that were working there. They were exciting and inspirational, and I would often try to remember to pray for these different things. But some of the time I got annoyed at how often I got a request for prayer or money from different people or groups. And most of the time I only remembered to pray for them for a day or two. It touched my heart, but it didn’t penetrate deeper than the surface. I knew that I was a part of something bigger than myself, but I was lacking in vision for what that was. I hadn’t seen it personally, so the effect it had on my time, money, and energy was minimal. It was easier for me to care about the “need” for a new shirt, a good dinner, a fun movie, etc. Those things were tangible and they were a very real part of my life.

So, here I sit: your friend working in a different country, being funded by many of you, and completely at a loss as what to write. I don’t know how to make the things I see and experience come to life and be real to you. I realize that only God can do that, but as I pray about that, I struggle as to what my role is in all this. All I have is simple words on a computer screen, written by a desperately flawed human whose thoughts and feelings are often vastly far from holy.

I don’t know how to paint the need; the raw desperation I now feel for this world. Reading about a child who never has been loved is immeasurably different that seeing them every day and having them watch you walk inside your front door, away from them. Hearing someone talk about the number of lost souls is a lot different that interacting with mobs of them daily. Seeing a picture of a family who is barely surviving is infinitely different than being in their house while they try to give you the best they have because you are a treasured visitor. Watching a movie on civil wars and the treachery that comes as part of that is incalculably different from being a part of the aftermath and trying to know what to say.

God has ripped open my heart and changed so much of who I am, and I feel sad because I don’t know how to talk about it in a way that is more than just words on a page. I feel so inadequate to be here and to know and see God in this way. I want so much to package you all up and bring you here with me! But God has called me to relay what I am seeing and experiencing…and I don’t know where to start. So, bear with me over these next months as I wrestle and struggle through learning to be open and sensitive to what God puts on my heart to share. Thanks!

Fav Pix

Here's a part of my team working on the

new basketball court behind our center.

It is almost finished!

I love this little bug!

How else should they be delivered?

The train that goes to Pristina.

Everyone has a gate and wall

surrounding their house and yard.

A shot of where I am working.

Reminds me of where I am.

Yes, I have taken the resemblence of a Bag Lady.

Charlie took this one.

Driving up the mountain a few weeks ago.

On the mountain.

Waterfalls and fall = good combo!

Hope you enjoyed my favorite pics- it takes a few

minutes to upload each one so I couldn't do

anymore right now (my patience wore out).

Sorry! More soon- I promise.

Bi-Polar Day

Today I am pretty sure that I experienced every emotion there was to feel. Last night I was up until 4AM talking to my sister for the first time since coming here. That was good, but when your body automatically wakes up each morning at 7AM it is not so good. So, my day began being tired. When I finally stopped trying to convince myself I could fall back to sleep, I got up and it was a little after 8AM. The water was off. While this is a common occurrence here, it hasn’t happened in awhile and we weren’t prepared for it. I had a small amount of water to drink and almost none to brush my teeth with. I did a little complaining this morning. But I did have a sweet time of talking and listening to God for over an hour. That set my heart on fire! As I set out to meet an American friend for lunch (she lives about a thirty minute walk from my house), I was exuberant and practically glowing with joy. There was a light rain falling and God was seen in every face and thing I saw. It was beautiful and I couldn’t stop smiling. After about forty-five minutes I realized I was lost (turns out I really wasn’t, but didn’t walk far enough down the highway). I was frustrated because the rain was falling harder and my pants were getting muddy…my pants that I just washed (it takes a lot to have clean clothes cuz they take so long to dry). On top of that, over twenty men had honked, whistled, or yelled at me in English and Albanian. I had had enough of everything. So, I turned around and began the journey back home- discouraged and on the verge of tears. The same people who had just looked at me like I was crazy because I was smiling so big now looked at me with the same expression because I was almost in tears. How quickly my emotions had turned! As funny as it is, that is common for life here in a foreign country. One minute you feel strong and that you know you’re right where you’re supposed to be. The next minute you are full of doubts and discouragement. One minute you feel so privileged to be here working. The next you take that same thing and twist it into a lie; that it is a sacrifice to be here. It is such an up and down battle, and it often makes me feel bipolar. I am glad that He sustains me even in the midst of my highest highs and my lowest lows.

Oh, to finish the story: as I was walking back home my friend found me. She was so sweet to drive the entire way just to find me cuz she knew I’d gotten lost. It ended up being an encouraging and sweet time of fellowship and getting to know one another. I am glad He’s so patient with me!

Grandpa Fred

My grandfather went home to be with the Lord this past Saturday night. He lived a long and full life. God has indeed blessed his life much and been more than faithful to him time and again. Please keep his six children and twenty-something grandkids in your prayers as they prepare for his funeral this weekend. Pray that they would use this time to search and know Him deeper. May God get the ultimate glory from my grandfather's life when all is said and done!

God's Busy

God has been working overtime since I've come here. The reason I know this is because He is trying to cut back on the not so important things. One of the things He does (according to the Bible) is count the hairs on our heads. My mom used to say that I made God tired because I had so much hair. Well, He has been solving that problem... my hair is falling out! Some people say that it is the bad water here. I chose to think that God is working on more important things and to me that is exciting!

For those of you who don't know me so well... this is a joke! :)

Today's Lesson

Well, I could title the lesson many things: self-sacrifice, selflessness, considering others better than yourself... However, what it really boils down to is: love. I am lacking in love most of the time that I am awake (okay, probably as I sleep too!). Today has been really "in my face" how much I am bad at loving other people. Don't get me wrong, I am good at loving and giving and serving when it is convienent for me! I can be so sweet to the children and love on them all day. But get me home to my house after a long day where my body, heart, and brain are all tired...I am not so loving. I want to make my own dinner. Check my own email. Take my own shower. Wash my own clothes how I want to do it. And oh how the list could go on. But living and working with a team doesn't function at this level, especially when three cultures are involved. Someone always needs something or wants to learn another English word or they want to watch how you brush your teeth, how you cook your food and eat it, what you're doing on the computer, etc. It has been really hard for me, who needs alone time to reboot my system, to love and give continuously. I have failed time after time; mostly on the inside where only Jesus sees and knows...where it really counts! Over and over I come back to the fact that I am wicked and depraved in need of help. Praise be to Him who has come to help and save me from myself! Without Him my current situation and state of being would be an utter mess. But because He loves me and showers me with grace: today I took a small step towards being more loving and giving. Maybe tomorrow I can relearn today's step and maybe even another one!

Mi Casa

Well, house isn't "casa" in Albanian, but I figured you would know what that meant more than: shtepia im... So, welcome- please come in! I can't promise it is clean, but I am glad you're here (I love visitors!).

Now that you've hiked the flight of stairs, you are ready to take off your shoes. It is so impolite to wear your shoes in someone's home; plus it is so dirty over here you wouldn't want to.
As you look down the main hall, my room is to the right and my Albanian teammate is on the left, along with the bathroom. The hall dumps out into the living room and kitchen. We are going to visit my room first.

Here's my lovely door. What idiot decided a bedroom door should have a window on it...I don't know. I have covered that up since taking the picture.

Welcome to my room. It is pretty much the size of a classroom- I am thinking about holding an exercise class in it! :) The sad part is that I have nothing to put in my room- just one suitcase of stuff. It feels empty; I am glad you're visiting to fill up some of the space!

Here's my bed. I am not sure what to call the thing that covers it, or for that matter what I sleep on. It isn't a blanket, duvet, or sheets. It needs some help. I will keep you posted on what I figure out to do with it!

Oh, there you are (maybe, if I had your picture). These keep me

company when I am lonely and sad that you aren't here with me.

Oh yeah, my Korean roommate's room connects to mine. Let's see if she is at home right now.

Yay- she is, and she even says that it is okay for us to take a peek into her room. (Yep- those are fish curtains separating our rooms!)

It is half the size of my room, but it is pretty cozy with the walls sponged a warm color, and she has a balcony that connects to her room!

Okay, you have to be bored with my room now- let's go explore the rest of the house. Oh, and those pillars I have in the corners are ashtray

stands that I hope to soon have plants on. :)

Well, this is the bathroom; if you can't tell. I am sure you have many questions when you walk into this room. Like: Why do you have a time machine in here? Why are there two "toilets"? Why is this room the size of a bedroom? My answer: I am not sure...it is Europe, you just learn to not ask questions!

So, my shower!!! It was installed after the war for an American UN soldier who needed the comforts of home (so I've heard). Well, my American home didn't have these comforts in it- not sure where he was from! But it has four shower settings on it. I think it once had the option of playing CDs and a bunch of other stuff. That stuff is all deactivated now, err...I mean it doesn't work. However, when you step inside the doors seal shut and you feel like you are getting

ready for take off.

My personal favorite part of the shower: the overhead nozzle! No shower will ever compare to this one...haha, and to think it is in Kosova!

The rest of the bathroom isn't too exciting.

Wait, on closer look- how in the world does this thing work? My advice: just push and twist until something happens! Just be prepared, it takes two hours to have your clothes cleaned (I don't know why or what it is doing for all that time- it refused to answer me when I demanded to know what was happening). After it finishes, you get to step out onto the balcony to hang out the wash and maybe a few days later they will finally be dry (feel grateful for your own washer and dryer now?). Whew!

On to the kitchen- yes, that small thing next to the oven is our fridge. It is like a sport to try and fit groceries from 3 girls from 3 different cultures inside. Okay, so you've noticed that we have another fridge- that thing doesn't work. I don't know why we have it; I guess it would look bad if we threw it away and just had a hole there. Who knows...

Here's the other half of the kitchen.

We just got our stove last week. I would make another fire for you, but there are some problems with that. First, the wood we bought months ago somehow just got delivered and is too fresh to burn. Second, when we light a fire smoke goes into our team leader's house upstair- this interesting problem needs to be resolved soon. We were told the workers were coming to fix it last week; this means they should be here in a few weeks.

Another benefit to having a home owned previously by a UN soldier- comfy, expensive couches! Have a seat. It isn't too freezing outside right now, so your butt might stand a chance of staying warm for a few minutes.

Oh hey, it is my Albanian roommate! If you think she looks stressed, it is because she is probably attempting to get online. We don't understand what happens most of the time- it has a mind of its own!

I am so sad to see you leave! I wish you could've stayed longer. You will have to come visit again soon. I promise this next time

I will have some tea ready and the house will be cleaner.

Oh yeah, don't forget to watch your step- the wood was dumped into the road, so we had to quickly move the pile into our courtyard. I have started to stack it, but that is a lot of wood and my hands haven't healed fully

from the last bout with the wood!

***So that is my house! Thanks for touring with me. It is very nice, and I love it so much! I've heard horrible rumors of the previous houses; not a day goes by that I don't thank God for moving my team here a few weeks before I arrived! haha. I wish you could be here with me in person, but this will have to suffice until you come visit! :) Miss y'all!