Wilderness Journeys

This morning I was reading about the calling of Moses and the liberation of the Jews from Egypt. As I was reading, I kept being struck by the same thing through different portions of the story. Moses was a rescuer by nature- the Jewish slaves from the Egyptian taskmaster, the shepherdess' at the well, probably his own sheep during the 40 years he was working with them...But he was not leader material- he simply wasn't ready. So, God took him to the wilderness to train him and to grow him. Funny that even after all the years of pruning him, Moses still argued with God whether he was ready or not. God got angry with him, but He didn't give up on him. He used him in such a mighty way!
Then I was reading about the Jews, enslaved for hundreds of years to the Egyptians. They had been given massive promises by God, yet here they were: slaves. So, when Moses came on the scene, that was their mentality: a slave. I am pretty sure they didn't really want to be that (in fact it says that God heard their cries, begging for freedom from the oppression). But when freedom came, they didn't know how to be free. Their mind hadn't pictured it to be like that. I think when someone is under oppression or enslaved to something, the mind plays out this beautiful picture of freedom and joy. Truly it is, but what that picture is often lacking is responsibility. We want to ask and ask and knock and knock on God's door for things, but we forget to be seeking. That means taking action- we play an active role in being free! So, here the Jews were, finally free; it didn't take long for the rose colored glasses to disappear. Freedom sometimes is hard. It often means that you have to take trips to the wilderness to turn your complete focus onto the Freedom Giver. I am reminded of the passage in Hosea where it talks about God taking His child to the wilderness so He will no longer be called Master, but Husband; Beloved. That is a difficult, completely vulnerable place to be. The Jews weren’t willing to go there, so they paid the price by wandering around for another 40 years; trying to learn the same lesson.
So, where does that leave me? These past months have felt a bit like a wilderness. Last year I did a lot of asking and knocking on God’s door for things. I wasn’t willing to seek with all my heart though, and the answers He often gave me didn’t suit what I thought should be His answer. So, coming here was a cold, hard blow to my system. Was I really serious about the things I was asking for? Did I truly want those things enough to be like the persistent widow; knocking and knocking? Was I willing to give my whole heart to seek after Him and pursue Him at all costs? Step by step, day by day, ever so slowly I have been able to answer a resounding yes to each one of those. I want True Freedom and Joy at all costs. I want to be known by Him, to know Him, and to make Him known. That is my earnest heart’s desire. It has taken coming to the wilderness to find that out… but hey, after you get over the fact that you have to eat bread with every meal and often there is just a pillar of light for you to see by (might be stretching it for my candle...) and you have to wear the same clothes every day and sometimes there is no clean water to drink…it is a beautiful, amazing place to be!