Done Waiting!

Tonight I realized something, perhaps not for the first time, but it definitely hit home tonight. I have finally stopped waiting... waiting for God to bring me Mr. Right, waiting for Him to fix all my problems, waiting for my team to be perfect, waiting, waiting, waiting! I have spent so much of my life waiting (especially telling God that I won't go here or there or do this or that unless He found me a spouse). And tonight God finally allowed me to see that I am not really waiting anymore. I am living life. And not just living, but living to the fullest.

My life is so full: praying for so many people, loving on my team, teaching kids about their Father who loves them and wants a relationship with them, having coffee with local teens, fixing up rundown houses, encouraging the other foreign workers here, being a light into the darkness, and I could go on and on...

This isn't to say that I am not still longing for Him to provide me with a husband. But rather believing He will be faithful to give what I need for each step of my journey- wherever in the world I am. This isn't to say that I think I don't need His touch to "fix" and heal my brokenness. But rather believing healing and listening sometimes happens a lot better when we are engaging our hearts instead of sitting around waiting for Him to wave His magic wand...

I've spent enough of my life waiting. I am ready to be obedient and follow Him now- no distractions (with His strength!). Perhaps life will once again hold a time of waiting for me, but I pray it is because that is where He led me and not because I didn't follow Him like I've done so often in the past.

The Konvikt

This past week my team and a few other people joined together to do an outreach in an old, rundown dormitory (konvikt in Albanian) building that the government has allowed 16 families to "squat" in since the war. The living conditions are horrific to say the least. A few are disabled, some are single parents, most are out of work, and all in all, nearly the entire group is without hope. It is written and etched on each of their faces. So, as a team bonding experience, we decided to shower them with Christ's love for 2 days. Here's the results...






Sorry that both videos are poor quality- my camera isn't the greatest and hates indoor things- which is all I got right now in the winter...

Overwhelmed

The only thing I know to do at this moment is write, so here's me pouring out my heart onto the computer screen...

This God I serve is so incredible! I wish that that could carry more weight that just being words- I wish I could capture all the emotion and passion and awe that are in my heart right now and package them up into something that helps everyone understand or at least see Him a bit clearer. But all I can think is the new David Crowder song: He loves me, Oh how He loves me!

It has been a really rough 2 years! God and I have gone through so much together. He's been my pilot, and I've just clung on tight. I can't say that right now is the hardest of all the times in the past years, but it is full of pain, trials, worries, fears, and difficulties. So much of what has been happening I don't understand and so often I see myself with my face upturned toward heaven really asking why and what is the purpose. Sometimes He gives me a nugget or a glimmer of the why or what, but mostly it is just a gentle Voice telling me to press deeper and keep on trekking.

And that's where this week has found me. I don't understand the how's and why's of my life right now. But I am clinging to the fact that He's so faithful and merciful. This refining process I am in now is for my own good and perhaps the good of those my life touches. So, I sit, I wait, I press in... But truth be told, it isn't easy and I have a hard time in doing those things.

So, yesterday and today were days like most days in my life as of late. Full of experiences that put me outside my comfort zone. Places that fears had to be met and dealt with. Brimming with pain and confusion. Wrestling and struggling through junk of my own and others. And I was left battle weary and worn out. But the God I love and have staked my life and all on hadn't left me! In fact, He did something so special and beautiful. He wrapped me in His arms and provided His Body to minister to me.

In the past 2 days God has stirred over 10 people to write me long emails containing Scripture, prayers, encouragement, affirmation, advice, etc. Everything that I needed. People from my family, from my church, from my past, from college, etc. Just knowing I needed something and to be prayed over. And I am left in tears- humbled that God would love me in one of my weakest times and provide such an amazing group of people to love on me and shower me with more of Him.

So, this is my feeble attempt to say Thank You! Your prayers are invaluable! Your emails are heartwarming. Your pointing me to Him and His Word are needed. Your love is just what this exhausted runner needed. So, thank you from the depths of my being- you have truly been a God-send! Love y'all...

Word Pictures

I was trying to think of something clever to depict my city a bit more, so I came up with the idea of word pictures- basically it is short stories that give you a picture of what life is like here...enjoy!

- Yesterday I was walking down my driveway and there was a herd of mangy, gross-looking horses trying to come up to the house complex where I am living. There was also a small woman dressed in her house clothes throwing rocks at them so they wouldn't. It made me chuckle (no, no animals were hurt in the making of this story).

- My city, Peja (Pe-yah), got its first stop light near the downtown...most people are obeying it.

- Got a package yesterday of the things I had to leave in Paris- it was pretty shredded and bagged up. It contained one grey right flip-flop, one blue right flip-flop, and one black left slipper (along with other stuff that was half there)...Hmmm!

- Walls that are on the exterior of your house or apartment get covered in black mold in the winter because houses here have no, I repeat, no insulation.

- It is normal to water the sidewalks and streets here (mostly in the spring and summer when the dust is filling the air). It keeps the dust down, but it also makes walking disgusting as your pants and shoes get muddy (attempting to wear flip-flops is dangerous)!

- The call to prayer goes off 5 times a day- mostly it is ignored.

- There is a Catholic church, a Serbian Orthodox monastery (guarded by Italian soldiers), the church plant I go to, and dozens of mosques- all in my small city.

- The people here almost all have dark brown hair, brown eyes, and darker tinted skin than me. I stick out like a sore thumb with my light brown hair, hazel eyes, and moderately dark skin...

- It is normal to hear fireworks and gunshots outside your house- they are all being fired up in the air, not at other people, don't worry! It doesn't even make me flinch at all anymore...haha!

* I will try to brainstorm some more later on- thanks for touring my city with me!

It's A New Year!

Happy New Year's to you all- 2010.
Wow, can't believe it is this year already...seems like just yesterday it was 2000!
May the Lord bless you and keep you in this new year.
May this year stand out as one that you fell deeper in love with Him- my hope and prayer for us all.
This picture was taken by my roommate: Kimber. She's incredible and the fireworks were simply amazing. It reminds me of the beginning scene to a Disney movie.
Love my city...

(video footage by me- can't you tell? :-)