Deep Pain

Many of my blogs are written riding on the curtails of my raw emotions. Sorrow, anger, joy, angst, etc. But the truth is as I sit here tonight, I don't know fully what to say, how to express the well of feelings raging inside me right now. To sit next to multiple people in a day's time and have them show you pictures of their family members who've been blown apart by bombs. To listen as they tell you the story of how yet another person close to them was killed violently. To see how their homes have gone from beauty to indescribable destruction. To feel such immense sympathy and massive inadequacy at the same time that no words can be formed that seem relevant to be uttered. To know story after story of hopelessness, but fighting to still enter in and feel each thing they describe, because it's their life and indeed all they have left in this world. 

The people I encounter day after day have been thrust from a world of often comfort and even luxury to a horrific world of day-to-day survival. Sometimes our visiting them is the only thing that allows them to surface back to a bit of normalcy. Serving their guests tea, sharing stories, laughter, and tears with another who cares, and knowing that they will be back in a few days- not abandoning them like everyone else has (willingly or unwillingly). 

Today, as I was leaving one of our families, she held my hand and tried to describe in broken English how special it was that I visit and that when I leave her to go back to The States, she's going to be heartbroken. I know I am to, but it doesn't compare to her. She bears deep pain in her eyes that, though I've suffered some in my lifetime, I can't even slightly comprehend. I have less than two more months here, and truth be told, I don't know how I'm going to leave... So tonight I just sit here and weep, trying my best to enter into their pain, but knowing it can't compare. This post has no tidy ending- just raw pain that needs to be expressed!