Understanding Why

Today I went and got my car inspected. As I was sitting there in suspense over whether the recent problems it had been having would fail it, the gentleman across the room began to chat with me. Older man, masters degree, sixty-eight, successful career and life. Eventually he tired of detailing his life and family's successes. Then came the question: 'What did you get your degree in and are you using it?' I explained a bit about Kosove and now working in the inner city. His face turned contemplative. He was quiet for about half a minute (normal response), and then asked what most people ask first: 'Is it safe over there?' Post-communism. Post-war. Musl'm country. American mindset: it must be dangerous and you must be crazy! Quick subject change following my answer...

A few weeks ago I began to go to a local chiropractor to sort out my back (finally!). He was very friendly and inquisitive into why my back was so bad, asking about recent stresses, about Kosove, etc. Halfway through my chatting with him, he brought up a young woman who'd been recently released after being held hostage for months. She was an aid worker in the M'ddle East. He responded: 'I've always wondered what sort of person would go into situations like that and do things like that. I always thought they were not all with it... And now here one sits in my office!'

This morning I was shocked and upset to discover Jeremiah Small, a family friend from childhood, had been murdered in Ir'q. Shot to death by one of his students... Today feels a bit of a blur. Why questions circulate at the forefront of my mind. They're endless- plaguing every step of my day... And most will remain unanswered on this side of eternity. But that doesn't leave me alone with them and without Shalom or hope.

Ringing in my mind is Operation Auca, or as you may recognize more readily, the murder of Jim Eliott, Nate Saint, Ed McCully, Pete Fleming, and Roger Youderian by the hands of a tribe in Ecuador. And stories of those such as Adoniram Judson, Hudson Taylor, David Brainerd, and others haunt my thoughts. So many in this life time never see the fruit of their (entire) life investments. Every single person I've ever come in contact with pales in comparison to these giants of the faith- in terms of counting the cost and devoting everything on the altar unto the Lord... And, in some cases, never seeing a single reward for any of it. But their death triggered an outpouring of Light beyond what an human can comprehend or even ever take credit for. God was at work for His Name, His Glory, His Fame, His Renown, His Praise, All of Himself to All the World. But just as John the Baptist was simply left with: 'Blessed are those who don't take offense from Me' on his death bed, so these men and women die with questions and maybe even feeling betrayed or wasted...

As I wrestle with my countless 'whys' today, I'm left with a hunger and massive desire to cry out to the Lord on behalf of Ir'q. May Jeremiah's life and testimony among the students and people there not be in vain. May he be rejoicing in heaven now and in the years to come over the lives saved, changed, and restored to their Creator and Lover...through his death! Will you join me in fasting and crying out for the Lord to work, to move, to fill that land with His presence?

Count the cost! Devote your everything on the altar to Him! And then hang on tight as you follow faithfully- whatever the outcome!