Treated like a Zoo

Most of the people who randomly read my blog will never step foot in a refugee camp. Your understanding is limited to what you've read or perhaps pictures seen. I think the general consensus is that most are inhumane and the conditions are in desperate need of being improved... While both of those thoughts are accurate, neither fully capture what it means to be the one living in the camp.

Have you ever visited a zoo and walked away with a heavy heart? There's just something about seeing a massive elephant confined to a small habitat that makes me feel sad. Or little monkeys swinging from plastic branches and roped up tires. Or tigers reduced to pacing back and forth in front of a door for their next meal. Essentially what they've been designed to be and do has been stripped away due to the selfishness of others around them. I'm just as much to blame- I love getting to see the majestic creatures that I'd likely never behold in my lifetime in their natural habitat. And the truth is, I wouldn't even come near most if I encountered them in the wild (they scare me!).

The refugee camps take on a bit of a zoo-type feeling. You have these amazing, full of life, talented people who have truly the most heroic characteristics from the horrific events they've been exposed to  all packed into a small space. Some are carpenters, doctors, students, artists, or teachers. Some have suffered horrors at the hands of a people they've now been commanded to share a tent with (which many do so without fighting). They have undertaken a journey marked by unmentionable bravery and fortitude to simply reach this place and remain for months or years. Most of them literally have to say just a few sentences before I am humbled and feel unworthy to call them friend.

And yet, here they all are, trapped in a place that essentially strips them of all that being a resilient person (or merely a human being) means. "You can't work. You can't cook for yourself. You can't chose your own clothing or even wash them. You must eat these things. We don't have drinking water for you. You must live in the unknown and wait until I tell you that you can move forward (or backward). No one wants you here, why don't you just go home? Because your country is at war, you've now become a statistic, lost in the midst of a sea of other refugees... unknown, unvalued, unwanted, and uncared for!" Literally every day screams those messages loud and clear to their hearts.

When fear controls our hearts and decisions, we buy into the lie that people who are different than us, that people fleeing areas of war, that people who come from certain places in this world aren't worthy of a chance, of an education, of a future, of love... Oh, but when fear is removed and compassion takes root, then, and only then, are people able to be the majestic creatures God designed us all to be!

God in the Barrenness

I've had a lot of friends who've struggled with infertility or miscarriages, so it's a topic close to my heart. My own mother had 3 miscarriages when I was a young girl, so I know intimately the pain felt at such losses. Though it has never been my own personal experience (apart from being single and desiring children, but that's a different sort of wrestle!), it appears that this struggle and desire to be a mother is one of the most difficult and painful a woman can walk through. Scripture has much to say on this subject as well, and I've been so encouraged through the years as I encountered various narratives of women found there. However, it wasn't until yesterday that I pieced them all together. I want to take you through my thought process a bit, but first let me paint a small picture for you by mentioning all the women Scripture said were barren (I may miss some, but these are the ones I can recall off the top of my head):

Sarah was barren before Isaac (Genesis 15:2)
Rebekah was barren before Esau and Jacob (Genesis 25:21)
Rachel was barren before Joseph (Genesis 30:1)
Manoah's wife was barren before Samson (Judges 13:2)
Hannah was barren before Samuel (1Samuel 1:5)
Elizabeth was barren before John (Luke 1:7)

Read through that list of men there again- what strikes you with each of them? All were influential in the pages of Scripture in mighty ways! Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph were key instruments in the beginning of the nation of Israel. Samson was a powerful judge that brought peace from the Philistines. Samuel was an incredible leader of God's people for his entire lifetime. And John the Baptist paved the way for Jesus' ministry. God had a plan for each of their lives that powerfully affected His plan for His children. There wasn't ever a doubt in His mind that they would be born- to Him being outside of time, their mothers weren't barren at all! So, it would seem that God was after something much more than just these women having children... I mean, isn't that the "natural and normal" order of how things work: get married and have children? So, to have put a "pause" on them rushing forward into living a "normal life" seems a bit interesting.

Something that also strikes me as interesting is there are a few of the stories where it mentions that God was the One who closed her womb. Take Hannah, for instance, it says "the Lord had closed her womb" twice in back-to-back verses (repeating it emphasizes it even more!). What in the world?! Why would God be the One to cause such pain in her life?

The answer appears to be simple to me (and yet not simple at all...): God was after something so much more than giving these women a "normal life". He was after their hearts. You see, there is something about suffering that develops a depth of character that no one living a "normal life" will ever be able to find. By allowing these ladies to walk through sorrow, He laid the foundation for them to parent these young men who would one day lead His people. These men bear the marks of their mother's intimacy with the Lord that likely originated in their barrenness and crying out to God.

Please don't hear me say that if you're struggling to get pregnant, you can cry out to God and know that He'll give you a child (or if you're single, you can believe God will bring a husband), because that's not at all what these verses teach! The beauty found here is that God is intimate, sometimes in the pruning, sometimes in the pausing of desires, sometimes in the withholding, and sometimes in the giving. But the wonderful thing that can be counted on in each is that He's after your heart and the hearts of those around you, whether that one day gets to be your children, your husband, or simply deep friendships. Don't waste your suffering by missing the opportunity to meet Him in the pain and to give Him your heart and tears!

The Humility of Prayer

This morning I woke up early (6-something), after going to sleep late (close to 2am) and felt irritated to not still be sleeping. As I lay on my bed, tossing and turning in protest at being awake, I felt the gentle prompt of the Holy Spirit to pray for family/friends back home, friends in the camp, and the massive political and religious issues unfurling worldwide that are affecting millions of people daily. "Okay, Jesus, I'll just lay here and casually pray, with the hopes that once I'm done, You will help me to fall back to sleep!" (I'm a very selfish person... sorry if you weren't aware of that fact!) It's now close to 8am, and I'm still awake and my heart is still heavy.

There is a sentence that has been playing in my head as I read Scripture and attempted to sort-of pray: "If My people, who are called by My name, humble themselves, and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land..." I've heard this passage quoted so many times that I am able to type it from memory! But I think one part of it has been overlooked often when it's taught on: humility! Prayer requires humble-ness, doesn't it? It's a coming to the end of yourself. It's a cry for help. It's a petition for intervention in a place where you know you have no power or ability to impact.

Prayer isn't popular. I probably can count on my fingers the men and women in my life that I know have a vibrant prayer life- you know, the kind that puts you to shame when they tell you they pray for you every morning or interceded for 20 years for someone to be free from their bondage? It's rare! Another thing that is rare is humility! It's not natural to anyone, even the people that seem to be naturally humble.

I'm currently spending my days in a refugee camp- it's one of the darkest places you can go: people fleeing from war and bearing the marks from this, eyes once lit with hope are now darkened by defeat from months of just sitting in utter boredom, sins and wickedness that have been allowed to enter into the lives of a few now engulf and affect everyone surrounding, and I could keep going on. If anyone ever had a reason to pray, it is me! I "do well" on most days, starting it with prayer, ending it with prayer, and throwing up prayers in between as situations arise. But, if I'm completely honest, there isn't always that humility that this passage speaks of. The realization that unless God moves, unless He works, unless it's His power nothing will be broken or be rescued. This passage isn't talking about casual prayer, it is talking about deep dependence prayer, and I'm convinced most of us know nothing about this sort of thing.

I once read a story of a man who would spend every night praying God would use him to save one person the next day- he would pray until he felt God had heard and answered yes (we are talking hours here). Eventually he began to wonder why he was just praying for one person, so he slowly began to pray for more, until he got up to 5 people a day that were coming to know God through him. It also reminds me of the story of Elijah praying for it to rain after there had been a drought for three years (1 Kings 18:41-46) He prayed and sent his servant to look seven times before God answered his prayers. I wonder if I would've stopped long before seven... But I long to keep striving to have this dependency and humility before the Lord- may God continue to bring this about in my heart and life!