Election Backlash

I am proud to be an American. There have been many times in my life when I would have struggled to say that, but today is not one of them. That being said, I will not minimize the fact that returning home this week has been unbelievably hard. I won't go on a rant against anything that those who know me best have likely already heard a dozen times. Being in America is very hard for me on various levels! But I will say this: I'm in shock over what people are saying and doing at the moment. Yes, this election was rough, and God alone knows what the future of our nation will be! But have you seen Aleppo lately? Have you beheld the poverty and wars that currently fill the globe? Can you comprehend what life would be like if you had been born in the north of Korea?

Today I just can't keep from crying as I hear stories of people burning our flag and doing worse things. I am not so patriotic, people, but I can't help but weep as I encounter these stories of people who cluelessly take their freedom for granted. In nearly every other country one would be in prison for the things that are being said and done PUBLICLY!

I have spent the majority of this year with people who no longer have a country to call home. That are sitting in forgotten places, being told from the actions (even words) of others that it was better that they'd never come or even been alive- can you imagine this? Can you imagine having no freedom WHATSOEVER?! We have a home, we have our families and friends, we have jobs, we have relative safety... and we are burning our flag! Even in the midst of war, pain, and great loss, the people I met weren't burning their flag, but rather drawing it and holding it close as a treasure. I know there very well may be some very dark days that lay ahead, days when we no longer have those things, but the day is not today. And we usher those things in by acting like we are right now.

I guess I'm just in shock right now- it feels too much to come from a refugee camp to this place of wealth and freedom and witness what I am. I know my blog is a small thing, but to whoever may read this, I would like to challenge you with the words of the great King David when he was up against the horrors of Saul trying to kill him after David had already been anointed by the Lord:

"Abishai said to David, 'Today God has delivered your enemy into your hands. Now let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of the spear; I won’t strike him twice.' But David said to Abishai, 'Don’t destroy him! Who can lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed and be guiltless?  As surely as the Lord lives,' he said, 'the Lord himself will strike him, or his time will come and he will die, or he will go into battle and perish. But the Lord forbid that I should lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed.'" 

1 Samuel 26

 Let us pray, let us wait, and let us never give up hope!

PTSD Thoughts

I studied psychology many moons ago when I was in university. During that time I learned about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Throughout the years I encountered it in various forms, mostly often through reading stories- people struggling with it from returning home from war, leaving an abusive relationship, or children being raised in horrific conditions. But this last year I've come face to face with it in massive proportions as I've been building friendships with so many people fleeing from war-torn areas. The stories they can tell, the things they've seen, the pain they've experienced, the suffering they are still enduring are mind blowing! I have lived through and witnessed some pretty dark stuff in my lifetime, but I often found myself completely speechless as I sat with my friends. I am not a trained counselor, and all that my friends that are would tell me is that it was best to not bring up the pain-filled memories until they were in a safe place. I know that is the textbook answer, but I couldn't do that as I would sit in their tents being shown pictures of horrors that words can't describe. So, I sought to enter in. I listened to stories, I looked at pictures, I asked questions, and I got messy with them. It seemed to me that that is what Love does.

A few days ago in the Istanbul airport I broke down in tears when I heard some people walk by speaking in Arabic. I was flashed back to my friends who are still sitting alone in the camps, waiting on some ridiculous process to decide their fate. This morning, as I sat in church, the pastor preached about second chances, and for some strange reason had a person drowning as his background picture to his presentation. Tears started rolling down my cheeks and it became hard to breathe. Do you know how many pictures I've seen of people who've drowned, nameless and uncared for, this year? How many stories my friends have shared of loved ones who didn't make it? Thousands upon thousands of men, women, and children have been gifted an unknown, watery grave this year alone! I focused on my breathing as an entire army of emotions threatened to overflow in a panic attack as I sat there.

I don't know much about PTSD, but I think I'm struggling with it to some extent. However, I am not worried about myself, I know I am about to go home where I am surrounded by family, friends who love me, a church that cares for me, warm beds to sleep in, and all that a person could ever need. But it shakes me to the core that what I am experiencing is but 1/1000 of what my friends have been through- mine is all second hand from their own lives. And the thing that makes me nauseous is that they are still living it! They are harassed inside and outside the camps, they are neglected and unwanted by countries, they are seen as evil while the evil done to them is 'okay-ed', and I could go on and on. I don't know what to do with my thoughts and feelings as I think about all these things. I feel powerless to help, and I know my words seem shallow as I respond back to their messages.

I don't know what this next season of life holds for me or for them. I hope our paths connect again soon! But in the meantime, I hope and pray God brings healing, wholeness, hope, restoration, life, joy, peace, and favor for these people in desperate need of such things!

(photos taken by one of my Syrian friends)