The Art of Being Single

I'll be honest, I never imagined reaching 30 and being single. I'm not someone who had my life all planned out and 'knew what I wanted to be when I grew up', but everyone I knew, as a teenager, that was in their 30's was married (except for a few pretty odd people). I guess I just never fathomed or was able to picture life being single long term. Don't get me wrong, being single isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I actually quite enjoy my freedom and all the amazing experiences God has blessed with being able to partake in because I'm not married or parenting. But if I was honest about the depths of my heart, being single is a big wrestle my heart struggles with on a somewhat day to day basis. It looks and feels different each day, but the battle is there nonetheless. I often find myself on my knees crying out for God to remove the desire if it's never to reach fruition, but He hasn't yet.

This past week my Home Group from church met together to participate in a Seder Dinner (a Jewish tradition for Passover). It was a rich time of enjoying Jesus, being together, and savoring good food. As we talked about Christ and Heaven, I found a deep longing surging through my heart to see Him and to finally be there at Home. As this desire increased inside me, I found myself glancing around the table at these men and women I 'do life with' on a day to day basis. People I know well through working with, living with, or serving with. As I thought of who I was sitting with, my mind trickled back through all the hundreds of people from my past that fit into one of those categories (I've moved around a lot- the number is massive!). How sweet that day will be when I'm sitting at the banquet feast, the wedding supper of the Lamb!! To finally be united with my Bridegroom and together with all those who'll make up the Bride. What a rich evening, full of all that my soul longs for and desires. In that moment I shall be in want for nothing more than I shall already possess!

I can't help but find my desire to be married to be pale in comparison to that moment. It won't matter who I was or wasn't married to when I reach that dinner feast, will it? Marriage is sweet here on earth, as you love and serve your King together. But really it's simply a tool to spur one another on to keep drawing others into that journey to that table with you. For some reason, for my 30 years and this season of life, Jesus has decided I don't need that. I don't know why, and I still can't understand His ways in this and regarding my dozens of single friends. But I'm learning to trust. I'm learning to look beyond what my eyes can see. I'm learning to focus on my Bridegroom and eternity. And I'm learning that He and He alone satisfies my heart's desires and longings.

So, as my 30th approaches, I raise my glass and toast my singleness as a beautiful gift from the One my heart loves more than all else. And if the only wedding I ever experience is the one to Him, that walk down the aisle to His arms will be the sweetest moment fathomable... worth every moment leading up to it!

And so to Him I leave it all

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate’er He doth;
And follow where He guideth;
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path:
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait His day.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my Physician sends me.
My God is true; each morn anew
I’ll trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He is my Friend and Father;
He suffers naught to do me harm,
Though many storms may gather,
Now I may know both joy and woe,
Some day I shall see clearly
That He hath loved me dearly.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father’s care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to Him I leave it all.
samuel rodigast