I love the Old Testament. If it weren't for Jesus and the Gospels, I'd probably say it's my favorite part of the Bible. But I just find the stories so rich and approachable. Whenever I pick up my Bible to read one of them, I usually walk away convicted, inspired, or both! So, this afternoon's lesson was found in the book of Joshua/Deuteronomy/Exodus regarding Moses (does everyone else read that word with Charleton Heston's voice in their head??).
I realize in my last post (wayyy back in August) I made some comment about feeling old. Well, today's post will deal with me being young. Ha, honestly since I'm right in the middle of things, it's a toss up each day whether I feel old or whether I feel young!
Lately the battle and struggle in my heart has been one of feeling like a failure- yikes, who wants to blog such words?! But God has been so sweet and gracious in revealing to me sins lately, and with that, the ugly state of my wicked heart. (Side note: one of my favorite Tim Keller quotes says something about for every look at our sin we must take 7 looks at the grace of the cross or we will become overwhelmed- good stuff!) Not only has this been immensely humbling, but it also has been discouraging as I feel I have such a long, long way to go in this whole sanctification process. But as I was reading through Moses' story I started paying attention to his mistakes, his wisdoms, and his age. I believe he was 40 when he fled Egypt for the desert, and I also believe he was 80 when he went back to Egypt. He was 120 when he died. Forty years seems like such a long time (maybe cuz I've not yet reached 40 years on this planet..), but when I think about all that Moses accomplished in the last 40 years of his life it seems so short.
I think about the first 40 years of living in wealth and prosperity. We don't know much about it, except that it ended poorly with him killing an Egyptian. I can almost see Moses, the youth, wrestling with his identity, wanting to fight for the injustice of his people, and battling with so many things on the heart level for years. The murder he committed probably was just the boiling over of his frustration and angst. And, in great fear, like a coward, he fled to the desert. End of Season One!
Season Two also doesn't contain much info, apart from our man, Moses, living among sheep- talk about trying one's patience.. not to mention he lived in the desert! As I read about that, I think one thing: training ground! And the funny thing is that even after 80 years he's still not ready. He argues quite extensively with God, which concludes in him begging for God to not send him and find someone else. These two 40 year periods inspire little hope for me when I think about the work that's to be on his plate soon. I mean, look at his reluctant trek to Egypt- God almost kills him for failing to obey His law of circumcision. His wife saves his life- what a great beginning! End of Season Two!
You guys already know the details of the Exodus, which is the essence of Season Three. But I'm just fascinated by our culture and my own heart laying such great focus upon ministry and not on training. We like to rush into some place after 4 years (8 if we decide to do seminary) of schooling and wonder why things go badly. 'Hey God, why do I still struggle with so many things? Why am I constantly failing? Why aren't things happening as I planned out?' MOSES WENT THROUGH 80 YEARS OF TRAINING BEFORE MARCHING UP TO PHARAOH.. and he still wasn't fully ready! What in the world am I thinking about how slow I am, about how far I have to go, etc?
Reading and thinking about these 'heros' of the Bible inspires grace and patience within my heart, and I'm finding these days I'm needing both in big measures!
